Running off with the Circus, Pt. 1

It’s really hard to quantify and capture the essence of this past year for me. It all seemed to happen in a flash, and before I knew it, I was whisked away on an adventure that would ultimately change my life in uncountable and unexpected ways.

Where do I even begin??

How can I relay all of the little details, all of the small joys that manifested, as if out of my best dreams and highest hopes?

One of the first small (HUGE) moments:

I arrived in Montréal - full of anticipation, worn out from travel, and, frankly, scared out of my mind. I had been suffering from feelings of major insecurity and self-doubt - something that had been brewing for quite a long time. I walked through the doors of the Cirque residency, completely afraid that I couldn’t actually do it.

The residency security guard at the front desk, with his thick Québécois accent, kindly gave me a quick tour of the facility before showing me to my room. I was on the top floor, “in the penthouse,” as I fondly came to call it. The guard swiped the key card, and held the door open for me. I pushed my suitcases through, gave the room a quick scan, and stopped dead in my tracks.

On the wall, hanging above the bed, was a canvas print of The Kiss by Gustav Klimt (my absolute favorite painting of all time). It was like a bolt of lightning, and all at once, I knew that everything was going to be ok. I was meant to be there, “in the penthouse,” and I was protected and safe.

During those couple of weeks in Montréal, big life changes happened. Things fell away. Things came together.

I rediscovered my capability…I felt like I truly belonged in this rag-tag tribe of quirky performers, and felt like I was using the full spectrum of my gifts.

I met new friends who would be become my family - people from all over the world, from all different walks of life. Acrobats who were like jumping beans, tossing each other up in the air, walking around in handstands…

I got to hang upside down, playing the mandolin, draped across the shoulders of our Russian Strong Man, the gentle giant.

I got to be hoisted into the air on a harness, standing on a flying hay bale - while playing the fiddle!

I got to learn how to do stage makeup, and I felt SO beautiful in it…even if it did take me almost an hour to do.

I became a part of “The Wallpaper Army,” as the band lovingly began to call itself. Being a part of that team was such an honor - and, come to find out, the love of my life was waiting for me in that band.

I played The Devil Went Down to Georgia and Orange Blossom Special faster than ever before in the middle of a whirlwind bar fight, dodging red Solo cups.

I found out that I not only have a passion for music and dance, but also acting. I was selected as the understudy for two of the other female roles, and got to play the main character, Mother May, for the last two shows - doing this role included acting, singing, dancing, dialogue, playing instruments, being present on stage for most of the show. I’ve never experienced anything like that before, but I can tell you one thing…

I found my joy again.

E

<3

To be continued…